How to resolve a hostile email exchange with a co-worker

Johnny C. Taylor Jr. tackles your human resources questions as part of a series for USA TODAY. Taylor is president and CEO of the Society for Human Resource Management, the world’s largest HR professional society and author of “Reset: A Leader’s Guide to Work in an Age of Upheaval.”
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Question: After receiving a dismissive email from a co-worker regarding a recent project. I responded with a similarly terse reply, leading to increasingly hostile messages and jabs. The tone of the emails escalated, creating tension between us. How can we resolve the email conflict and miscommunication before it further affects our work relationship? –Jerome
Understandably – and unfortunately – escalating email exchanges can create tension and damage working relationships. Here are some strategies to help you resolve the conflict and move forward:
Take a break and reflect: When emotions are running high, it’s essential to step back and pause. Allow yourself time to cool down and process the situation. This will help you respond more thoughtfully and avoid further escalation.
Schedule an in-person meeting: Email can easily lead to misunderstandings due to a lack of nonverbal cues. Request a face-to-face meeting or video call to discuss the issue directly. This will allow you to communicate your concerns, understand your co-worker’s perspective, and address any underlying misunderstandings.
Focus on understanding: Approach the conversation with a willingness to understand your co-worker’s point of view. Avoid making assumptions or jumping to conclusions. Listen actively and ask clarifying questions to understand their perspective better.
Apologize if necessary: If you regret the tone or content of your email, apologize sincerely. Acknowledge your role in escalating the conflict and express a desire to move forward.
Discuss communication styles: Use this opportunity to discuss communication styles and preferences with your co-workers. This can help prevent future misunderstandings and establish clearer expectations for how you interact.
Seek mediation if needed: If direct conversation doesn’t resolve the issue, consider involving a neutral third party, such as your manager or HR representative. They can facilitate a constructive dialogue and help you find common ground.
In my experience, colleagues who clash over work do so generally because they both care. Their passion for the work and getting things right may well provide common ground. Be willing to share your core work motivation and listen to theirs. You might find they aren’t much different.
Remember, open two-way communication and a willingness to compromise are essential for resolving workplace conflicts. Following these strategies can rebuild your relationship with your co-worker and create a more positive work environment.
I feel like I would make a good manager, but I don’t know how to get on the track to a leadership role. How should I approach my supervisor about preparing for a move up to management? – Wilma
It’s admirable that you have the drive and ambition to take on a managerial role. Demonstrating your interest and capabilities to your supervisor can be a strategic step toward achieving your goal.
Start by reflecting on your strengths and experience as they align with managerial responsibilities. Consider your ability to lead teams, delegate tasks, make decisions, inspire others, and resolve conflicts. Identify specific instances where you’ve demonstrated these qualities in your current role.
When scheduling a meeting with your supervisor, be clear about your intentions. Express your desire to discuss your career goals and explore opportunities for growth within the organization. Begin by acknowledging your appreciation for your current role and your value to the team.
Highlight your leadership qualities and your readiness to take on additional responsibilities. Share specific examples of your accomplishments and how they demonstrate your potential as a manager. Look for instances when you’ve helped others perform better at their work. Be prepared to discuss your vision for your career and how it aligns with the company’s goals.
During the conversation, actively listen to your supervisor’s feedback and ask clarifying questions. Be open to their suggestions and seek guidance on further honing your managerial skills. Explore potential development opportunities, such as training programs, mentorship, or taking on leadership roles in projects.
Don’t forget that this is a conversation, not a one-way declaration. Show genuine interest in understanding your supervisor’s perspective and how you can best contribute to the organization’s success.
By expressing your interest proactively and thoughtfully, you can position yourself as an asset to the company and increase your chances of securing a managerial role.